The Moongate Wish: Chapter Five-The Banquet

So, the dude who called about the banquet looks harassed, still. He's adding four more people to the banquet numbers as it's happening. Erika tells a waiter and he heads off to the kitchen to let them know. Erika is kind of freaking out, but she hides it and boosts this guy's morale instead. They're moving everyone to the banquet room and it's all going fine...until Erika sees Glen standing in the hotel lobby. He says he has to talk to her and getting the keys to the villa from her office will give them a bit of time.

They go to her office and Erika doesn't let him touch her because then she'll be all kinds of distracted during this crazy banquet. They both say that they missed each other, but Erika tells Glen she's got no time right now. She legit is run off her legs, but Glen just sees the usual excuse. He gets a promise from her to see him later that night, but he's not really satisfied.

Erika returns to the banquet, which happens smoothly, and sees the guests off to their plane. The guy who called her says they'll be back next year, which prompts Erika to think about how she doesn't know where she'll be next year, and about how her time with Glen will be too short. Anyway, she's gotta go see him.

It's 11:30 PM and the hotel is getting quieter. Erika sneaks out by taking the stairs from her private balcony to the gardens. That's a security risk, having a staircase like that. Anyway, Erika relives a scene from a secret agent novel on her way to Glen's villa, sneaking through the gardens with the moonlight as her guide, and such. When he lets her in, he pulls the shades down. Glen wants to pull her into his arms, but Erika demands some words first.

Glen explains that he came to Bermuda to get work done, and wasn't, so he went to New York. He really couldn't get anything done there, and he was worse than before, so he came back. Then, after Erika demands the truth, Glen admits that he's never felt this way about any woman before, never let one interfere with his work. He says that she's special and he can't get her off his mind, but he mixes that with worries about his work. Erika just hears the second part, apparently. She says she wants a reasonable explanation, and Glen says he's given one. Erika starts to leave, but Glen grabs her wrist and she stops. She says she won't listen to him any more, but even after his grip loosens on her, she doesn't move.

There's a bit more back and forth, Erika with herself and Erika with Glen, before he pulls her into a kiss and she thinks about how it's her decision. She's a strong, independent woman, you see. I mean, it is her decision to kiss him, but he started it. After the kiss, they talk some about how they missed each other, and how Erika wants Glen to be able to work on Gossip. She also finds out that his deadline is mid-September, which is soon, so I assume she starts to understand his predicament. ...but that's boring.

Glen takes out the pins and whatnot from Erika's hair and tells her she smells like flowers while nuzzling her hair. She replies, “And you smell of man.” Hah. Okay, Erika. Way to sweet talk. Anyway, they start comparing bodies, and Glen gets to whatever base under-the-clothes groping is. Then Glen says they should get naked and asks if Erika has any moles in intimate places. She doesn't know and Glen offers to tell her. Apparently Glen's got an interesting birthmark somewhere. Then he starts taking off Erika's dress and her underwear follows soon after.

Glen stares at her and tells her she's beautiful. Then he spends a long time playing with her boobs. Eventually, they get around to taking off all of Glen's clothes as well. After his clothes come off, they just stare at each other for awhile. It's totally not weird, though. For example, “...she gazed on his tall, naked figure as if through a swirling mist.” See? Not weird at all.

Then they run into each other, Erika moved second but it was totally her choice, and they start grinding. They both obviously want to have sex, so Glen sets Erika on the couch and they do. One thing I've noticed in these romance novels, the guy spends a long time playing with the girl's boobs, or generally doing things for her, like smelling her hair. Generally, she doesn't do anything, or as much, for him. What unequal treatment.

Anyway, after their wild, passionate lovemaking, Erika reflects on how Glen will have a lot more women after her and she is sad and whimpers. Glen asks her what's wrong and she says she's fine. It's kind of a big deal to her, so she should probably tell him. Glen thinks about how she wanted sex too and it was great for both of them, so he is confused about why she withdrew from him, which happened just after the whimper. As he's lying there staring at her, he resolves not to let what happened to his father happen to him. We don't get to know what that is because Erika's got to leave.

She has Glen let her up and she goes into the bathroom to put her clothes back on. Glen said that he hadn't found any moles, and she says he'll have to take a rain check on that. Oh hey, this'll happen again. Aw ye-ah.

Once he's got his pants on again, Glen offers to walk her back but Erika says they can't be seen together. It's best for both of them. Why is that, exactly? Anyway, Erika leaves and Glen stays in the villa of love. As she's crossing the garden, Erika sees the shadow of the Moongate and considers making a wish, but she knows it won't last with Glen, even though she wants it to. So, I guess the Moongate is going to come up again in an important way. Anyway, Erika walks up the burglar-friendly stairs to her room and goes to sleep.

Well, that only took them five chapters. We're not even half-way through the book. I guess there will be some of that “emotional growth” I've heard rumors about. ...either that or just pages and pages of sex scenes. Anyway, for the next chapter, I predict that Catrina will realize that she wants to have a baby, but not her husband's, and she'll ask Erika for help picking out a baby-daddy. Erika will facepalm so hard, she'll fly into the atmosphere and the island will sink.

The Moongate Wish: Chapter Four-So Many Crises!

So, Glen's in New York and he decides to visit his producer and, probably, the future director of the show Glen's writing. You see, they're totally friends. Anyway, Felix, the producer, is worried at how little of the show Glen has written. Felix offers to rent Glen a studio, but Glen says he won't be in New York that long. Glen also warns, “Don't crowd me, Felix.” Then Felix asks why Glen is here if he doesn't want to talk about his problem.

Glen is swept up in memories of Erika, how amazing she is and yadda yadda. Glen can't tell Felix about his problem because Glen always swears off women while he's working, so Felix would think this was something serious and it's totally not. Totally. Glen thinks about how he could have just had sex with her and gotten it over with, but he wants it to be special. Yup, doesn't sound serious at all, Glen.

Anyway, Felix invites Glen to join him and his girlfriend, Joni, for lunch. He needs to be alone, but he doesn't want to brood (any more), so Glen agrees. Glen thinks about how Felix has a string of ex-wives and he still gets along with all of them, as well as the kids he's fathered. It's an imperfect way to do it, Glen thinks, but maybe it's for the best. Then he realizes that he doesn't want to have a life that way. He wants to marry Erika and live happily ever after! Glen finishes eating, makes his excuses and leaves the restaurant. He finds a phone booth, puts in a dime, and calls an airport to get tickets back to Bermuda. Oh yeah, this book was written in 1985.

Meanwhile, Back in Bermuda...

Erika gets a phone call from an obnoxious American looking to have a 53 person banquet in Bermuda. Tomorrow night. Knowing it'll be crazy, but also believing the Moongate can do it, Erika agrees and settles all of the money concerns with this guy. Banquets make more money for hotels than just having guests, you see. She gets off the phone with the American and starts getting twisting arms to get everything arranged. Then there's something weird with the bank statement and her records of money, so she calls Lalla in to talk about it soon. It is difficult, running this hotel, but this fiasco is just a distraction from her feelings for Glen. Life is sad now that he's gone. It was so nice when he was here....

Oh hi, Lalla! So, there's been a discrepancy of over $800 between the bank report and ours, but I'm probably just overlooking something. ...Lalla, you're terrible at poker, aren't you? You see, her son was made fun of because he couldn't ride a motorcycle. It's easier to let him hang out the with boys, even though they make fun of him. So, Frankie borrowed a bike without permission and crashed it. He's fine, but the repairs for the motorcycle were too much for Lalla to be able to pay on her own, and she didn't want to go to court and she meant to pay it all back, and.... Erika says that as long as they keep this between them, she'll be fine with Lalla paying it back as she can. No going to court for them! Hooray!

After dealing with this, Erika wanders out to the garden just to chill for awhile and, of course, think about Glen. Oh, hey there Mrs. Montrose. Her first name's Catrina, by the way. She's got an issue as well and Erika decides that she can listen to this woman's problem's too. As was mentioned earlier, Catrina and her husband, Douglas, have marital problems and there's something about a baby. Well, now we get the story.

Douglas spends about all of his time doctoring or golfing, and he really goes the extra mile for his patients. They had a kid, Alistair, who was the bestest, brightest todler you ever did see, just ask his mother. Anyway, Douglas didn't notice the early warning signs because he was hardly around his kid, so by the time they found out their three year old son had a brain tumor, there weren't a lot of options left. They opted to have doctors operate on him and he died on the table.

Well, that's depressing. Catrina opened her story by claiming that Douglas had killed their son. So, she's got some blame-issues here. I don't know how long ago this happened, but it seems like awhile. Erika advises that Catrina talk with her husband about this and Catrina refuses to. Dang it, she's justified in blaming him! Also, she was pregnant when Alistair died, and the shock killed the baby in her womb, so Douglas is double-bad. There's little chance of making another kid because they're not sleeping together anymore. This was supposed to be a second honey-moon, or a restart for them, but Catrina isn't willing to meet her hubby half-way. Marriages. Then, talk turns to Erika's childhood and she decides to confide a bit about her parents' divorce.

Erika was an only child and very close to her parents. She was spoiled rotten, a bit, I guess. So, she took it really hard when her dad had an affair with his secretary, then left his wife and Erika for this woman. Erika had met and liked the secretary, too. The whole thing just left bitterness and depression in its wake. Mom never got over it, and she died of cancer while Erika was at college. Erika can't escape the feeling that it was her dad's fault. At Mom's funeral, Dad tried to make peace but Erika wouldn't let him. She's totally justified in blaming him!

...Sure, ladies. Your stories sound reasonable. Anyway, Erika thinks about how her life is so unstable since Glen left. Misery and woe forever.

By the way, if you thought the crises were over with, you were wrong. This part happens the next day, but it's still in the same chapter. The company hiring waiters out to the Moongate will be two short, so Erika has to get two more from somewhere else. Today. Also, the motor on the main freezer burned out, so they have several tons of food going rotten. Erika's got to call nearby hotels and ask to use their freezer space. However, the banquet that night will be fine and perfect.

Wow, everything falls apart at the Moongate now that Glen's gone, and he can't write at all since he left Erika. However will they solve their problems? In the next chapter, I predict that yet another woman will try to confide in Erika, but this time Erika will wriggle out of listening to her by screaming, “I CAN'T HANDLE ANY MORE PROBLEMS!” and running away.

The Moongate Wish: Chapter Three-Talk About a Baby

So, Erika's seen Glen around in the past ten days, or so, but always in a group. They haven't been alone together, which is why we don't read about those days. Erika's totally okay with it. Totally. Yup. Absolutely...not really.

Anyway, the narrative picks up at another barbeque where Erika is hostessing again. Hey, Dr. and Mrs. Montrose. Oh, you don't want to be left alone together? Well, I guess Erika can sit with you and chat for a bit. Then Glen walks up. We get a look into Glen's mind. Yup, he's pretty much obsessed. He came up for dinner tonight because he wanted to see Erika. Well then, this dinner should be interesting.

Glen talks pleasantly for a bit, then asks if Mrs. Montrose is a mother. She's not and apparently it's a big deal, judging from the look she shoots at Dr. Montrose. Thanks, Glen. Erika distracts them with ordering their food. You're taking a glass-bottomed boat tour of Bermuda? That sounds nice. Oh, no. Erika doesn't want to go if it means going with Glen. She's got work to do, you see. By the way, Mrs. Montrose totally picks up on the vibe between Glen and Erika. During the rest of the meal, Dr. and Mrs. Montrose both drink too much and Glen and Erika manage to keep a conversation that's lighthearted on the surface, but totally isn't. What a great dinner.

Erika leaves the table when the “happy” couple does, to circulate and generally be a hostess. She can feel Glen watching her and it's a relief when he leaves. Ten minutes later, she heads up the steps...and finds him lurking in the shadows. This guy's starting to sound like a certain sparkly “vampire”.

Glen tries to lead her on a side path, she says no, and he reacts by saying he's got to talk to her. Hm. He accuses her of using her job as a shield against him, she says it's not true. He basically says she's got to admit she doesn't think he's hot, and she can't do that. He's too attractive. Or something. She wants his hot body now, screw her responsibilities! Would it really matter if she took the rest of the night off? I kinda doubt it. I mean, she could take a few hours off, anyway.

Then we get to the real emotional deal: Glen's had a string of other hotties, and Erika wants a commitment, but she totally still wants his hot body. Meanwhile, Glen compares Erika to a teenager, with her hot and cold attitude. She doesn't have anyone she left in England, so what's the dilio, yo? He's totally thinking of, “A short affair, or a slightly longer one,” so he can get on with his life and work again. Well, that's going to be a problem. Glen considers how he could totally charm the pants off this girl, but some deeply buried spark of sensitivity warns him not to. How romantic. So Glen does the only thing he can do...

“The Montroses are nice people.” Yeah, that happened. Anyway, their conversation turns to Glen disparaging marriage, and denying that this couple having a baby would solve everything. Erika asserts that a baby would probably help them. ...that was the baby conversation in this chapter. Not a whole lot else happens.

Anyway, they talk about dreams, how they change, Glen wanting to work on his show, blah blah blah. Then Glen grabs Erika, they stare at each other for a bit, and then Erika's inhibitions melt away and they start kissing again. When they're done kissing, Glen starts running his fingers over her face...erotically. Then they're kissing again, with Glen's fingers tangling in her hair. When they stop this time, Glen says that he needs to bang Erika. It's more poetic than that, but not much. She weakly refuses. Glen wants to understand what's going on, and Erika's main explanation is that she doesn't know him well enough to have sex with him. So, he walks her back and they go their separate ways. (Someday, love will find you! Break those chains that bind you!)

Back at the villa, Glen pours himself some whiskey to help him consider his night. He's not really mad at Erika. He can wait...probably. Maybe until tomorrow...or a week. Glen's not used to waiting to have sex, you see. He plays some piano, but it's just sentimental mush. All of his previous shows have been cynical. I'm guessing that Erika's influence will cause him to write romantic shows. I mean...if they end up together. Then Glen stands at his window and looks at the lights in the hotel. He wonders which one is Erika's window. It's much harder to watch her sleep if he doesn't know which window to climb through.

Erika didn't sleep well after she and Glen parted ways, and the weather is stormy when she gets up to do her morning yoga and other stay-in-shape routines. The weather gets better and her mood improves. After her mood improves, Erika realizes she'd be dumb not to have sex with Glen before they both leave the hotel. She'll tell him it's totes cool today. This is gonna be a great day! Oh, Glen's here to visit her in the office. This'll be fun!

Glen, why do you look tired? What's wrong? Oh, you're going back to New York? Now? There's a taxi waiting and everything? Also, he might not be coming back. Ever. He just showed up to say goodbye. Well there goes Erika's good mood!

Yeah, that's how that chapter ends. What a cliff-hanger. I have two predictions for the next chapter. Either Erika starts taking off her clothes and, when he asks, replies, “Well I decided to have sex with you before you left, so I guess it's got to be now.” Or she becomes a crazy stalker and follows behind him, her job obligations be damned! I really hope it's not the second one.

The Moongate Wish: Chapter Two-The (Minor) Misunderstanding

The chapter opens with Erika explaining to us, I mean...to “the newly arrived American couple” what the legend of the Moongate is. Apparently, honeymooners should walk through the gate, make a wish and- The husband interrupts her and we never find out what she was going to say at the end. ...And prepare a ritual sacrifice? And run three laps around the Moongate backward? And never read trashy romance novels? I'm sure we'll find out later and it'll be a big deal with Erika and Glen, but I still wanna know now. The scene with the America couple also sets up that it's really hard to get a license in Bermuda. A tiny island is not a good place for a lot of cars. That's enough set-up of those plot points, let's head downstairs.

Oh, hey there Lalla. By the way, it was previously mentioned that Erika thought Lalla had some troubles in her life, but she didn't know what they were. I mention that purely because it shows that Lalla has a depressed face...no, we totally find out her troubles in this chapter. Just, in a bit, be patient. In this scene, Erika demonstrates her iron will by threatening to tear up the contract the hotel has with their maintenance company if they don't come out and fix the broken elevator within the hour. ...because nothing says “good customer” like threats to push your business a day earlier than it was supposed to be. Shortly after Erika hangs up on them, a little boy named Frankie comes to talk to Lalla. Erika can tell by the look in Frankie's eyes that he's mentally retarded and he's calling Lalla Mum, so that's got to be difficult. However, Erika has a hunch that Lalla's difficulties are deeper than that. Le gasp! Anyway, what kind of book is this? Let's stop looking at the secondary characters and get some more progress on this romance!

Yeah, Erika, I guess you can dress sexy just for Glen at cocktail hour. Go for it. She puts on a nice dress, puts on perfume, does her hair and makeup and...Glen doesn't come to cocktails or to dinner. What a jerk. You see, Erika doesn't go to dinner again, but she leaves her office door open while she's working so if Glen comes in, she'll see him. After dinner, Erika wanders outside and just so happens to go toward Glen's villa. Maybe she can go in and hear his music...Oh wait. There's no music and his villa is dark. Well then. Erika's thoughts? “Darn him...and darn herself for being such a fool.” I would have used more colorful language if I thought a guy had stood me up, he kind of promised to see her that night...just a little bit. Anyway, getting over her almost-swear words, Erika heads back into the hotel.

Hey, Glen. How's that pub treating you? Apparently it's the next day. I'm telling you this now because it took me awhile to catch on. Anyway Glen's drinking alone (yeah, with nobody else) and we get to see his dilemma. He went to Bermuda to remove himself from distractions so he could finish his latest show, Gossip, in two months. So no playing around for him! This is business time! But Erika is such a fun distraction! Glen thinks about spending time with her a lot. Hey, sometimes he thinks about snorkeling or getting to know her better and not just about sex. Although, he seems to think she has a body that's “perfect in every detail”. From a woman's perspective, let me just say, “Hah! Having a flawless body! Hah!”

Anyway, just as Glen is about to take a drink, he sees Erika across the street. Her head's turned away from him, but he recognizes her hair and that body. Also, something about magnetism. Aw. They're using the same words to describe each other. True. Love. Glen's up on a balcony, but he yells down at her and invites her up for a drink. You see, Erika was in town to take her driver's test so she could use the permanent manager's car. Remember how it's difficult to get a license in Bermuda? I guess that doesn't matter if you don't add another car to the island.

Oh, and by the way, Lalla's husband and father were killed in a storm, when Frankie was a few months old, and she's got an arthritic, bed-ridden mother to take care of. Lalla didn't get married again, because men stay away from trouble like that. There ya go, Lalla's backstory. After telling Erika all of this, Glen is a bit surprised at how much she cares. It's so hot. Um, anyway. Erika, you were totally shopping! What'd ya get? (Glen's really bad at not distracting himself with her by the way.) After talking about what Erika got, only vaguely, Glen asks if anyone is missing her in England. What an indirect way to ask if she's either available, or very available. Erika affirms that she's very independent and doesn't have anyone back home....for a given definition of independent. The reader learns/is told that Erika keeps people at a distance because her mother's heartbreak made her a bitter, bitter person. To keep Glen from learning this, Erika questions him on his whereabouts at dinner time the previous day.

Glen says that his plans changed, then wanted to know if his absence made Erika sad. Well, being the strong, independent woman that she is, Erika's going to hide behind bluster. Nope, it didn't make her sat at all! Which, surprisingly, leads to an awkward silence. During this silence, Glen meditates on how she totally wants him and he wants her. She's holding back, which annoys him. If she were a different sort of woman, they could just have sex and be done with it, but Erika is different than anyone else he's ever met. She's not just sexy, but she speaks to something deep inside him... I need some crackers with that cheese. Glen shakes his head to remove the dairy product from his brain and thinks about how Erika's messing with his deadline, but he kind of likes it.

Erika, brooding as well, interprets his head shake as something like, “Wow. I was cool with inviting this girl up here for a drink, but I want her to stop pursuing me. Despite that kiss, which rocked both of our worlds, I just don't want to spend time with her anymore.” This is why people have problems making and maintaining relationships. Acting on what she misread (this chapter's minor misunderstanding), Erika gets up and says she's heading back to the hotel in that car she's now licensed to drive. Glen gets a ride back and this intimacy confuses Erika and makes her driving bad. I know you're thinking of a “woman driver” joke, but this is a romance novel, we all know it's not realistic.

On the drive, Glen tries to find out if Erika's available in the evenings and, when she says she works all the time forever, he tries to convince her that the two of them could spend some time together in the evening anyway. Yup, he's totally not interested, Erika. There's also some talk about Glen's responsibility to his backers, audience, etc and how he's trying to avoid distractions. Oh, also how his life isn't as full of distractions as the press makes it seem.

Once they get back to the hotel, Erika drives up to Glen's villa. He convinces her to come inside to hear how the song's changing. She wants to say no, but this strong, independent woman weakly agrees. Sorry, I'll try not to riff on that again until the next chapter at least. Apparently, by “hear how the song's changing”, he meant, “lay out the music and start making a move”. You see, he lays out the sheet music on the lid of the piano and Erika stands in the curve of the grand piano to read the music. Then Glen stands right behind her and starts stroking the skin at the nape of her neck and puts a hand on her shoulder. Erika tries to talk about the music, and stands rigidly, then Glen slides his hand down her arm and onto her hand that's on the piano. Here's the part that ruined the illusion for me: his hands have “the breadth that could span octaves with the greatest of ease.” I'm not sure how familiar you are with pianos, but reaching one octave is difficult, and some people can't quite manage it. In order for one hand to reach two octaves, it would have to be absolutely huge! The author had to have meant that his two hands can span two octaves, but that's weird wording.

Anyway, back to the player wanting to settle down, Glen stands so close to Erika that they're touching and he nuzzles her hair, murmuring her name. Erika says she's got to leave and turns around. Well, now that they're face-to-face this close, Glen starts massaging the tender spots behind her jawbone (by her chin, or her ears? 'cause either way is kinda weird) and moves in for the kiss. Erika totally wants it, but she spins away from him. Glen asks what's wrong and doesn't touch her when she puts up a hand to stop him. Oh, hey, you can read body language. Erika says that she's got to go run the hotel and Glen reminds her that Lalla was totally competent a minute ago. Ignoring that point, Erika tells Glen she's got a barbeque to go to tonight and she totally can't take any more time off today. So there. Then she drives away, threatening the gears in the car and some poor, defenseless hibiscus bush.

All right, this line of trashy romance novel isn't quite as trashy as I thought. It'll talk about sensual things, but I don't think they'll have sex until the end. Also, we're going to need a larger misunderstanding than this one to drive them apart for the main conflict. Well, that and this is only the second chapter. In the next chapter, I predict that Erika will host that barbeque by the pool and Glen will show up and stand behind a bush that's too short to hide him. He'll watch Erika and refuse to talk to anyone until he stage-whispers to get her to come talk to him. After talking for a few paragraphs, she'll throw punch in his face and Glen will go back to his villa to change.

The Moongate Wish: Chapter One-An Intense First Meeting

This book is The Moongate Wish by Nancy John. Before we get to the first chapter, there's something I think you all should know. There's a letter to the reader before the story starts and the important bit tells us that this kind of book, Special Editions, have, “...longer stories, sophisticated style, greater sensual detail and variety...” Hang onto your hats, kiddies. This'll be a step or five above the last romance novel I did.

The chapter opens with a map of Bermuda. That's one way to tell your reader the setting. On the first page of text, we learn that our main character is Erika and that she is jetlagged because she traveled all the way from Yorkshire earlier today. Erika is a relief worker for hotel managers, apparently, and she's filling in for two months at the Moongate Hotel in Bermuda. The Moongate Hotel is terribly fancy and Erika, as acting manager, is taking the effort to learn all of the guests' names. When she's done eating, and after talking with a waiter who pulls her chair out for her (see, it is fancy), Erika goes through to the kitchen to talk to the head cook.

Really, all of that is just fluff and the set up for Erika to take a walk outside and hear Glen Hunter playing something in stops and starts on the piano. He's a composer and lyricist for Broadway, you see. On the sixth page of the story, Erika thinks about how it's amazing that she's encountering Glen again. Wow, that was a quick introduction of the love interest. I guess they have to meet early for Special Editions to have “greater sensual detail”. By the way, he wouldn't remember her, but he's an “attractive, charismatic man”. Yup. Love interest. Or sex interest. I'm not here to judge.

Anyway, Erika's chilling outside in the dark when Glen leaves the villa to think of a rhyme for “sexual mechanics”. The first image that pops into my mind is of people with large wrenches figuring out what's going wrong, but that's not what Glen means at all. The line is, “How long till they're bored with the sexual mechanics...” Anyway, Erika comes up with “passion's galvanics”. Wikipedia's results seem to suggest this is a process for changing metal, or an early battery. Something like that. I can't find it as a noun. Well, I suppose I shouldn't pick at the grammar in a romance novel when there's so much else to discuss.

Erika suggests this rhyme from the dark, so Glen demands to know who is skulking about in the darkness. She steps into the light and he bites back of cry of shock as he sees the perfect woman, fairly radiating love and sex appeal... OK, it's kind of something like that, just without him making noise about it. He's an experienced womanizer, apparently. I had no idea composers got all the ladies, but hey, whatever works. He convinces her to come listen to the song with the lyric she suggested, so they go back to his villa. Throughout this exchange, and the one inside the villa, he keeps touching her. Yeah, definitely going to have sex.

Anyway, the two of them get coffee, Erika drinks it black of course, and she tells Glen her life story. Divorced parents, mom opened a bed and breakfast to make ends meet, so Erika decided to be a hotel manager on the ritzy end. She's temping now, with an eye to full time swankiness in the future. By the way, Glen finds her very attractive. Apparently, she's not “blatantly sexy”, but her dress gives her “a thrilling eroticism”. Then we learn that Glen wants to see her naked, and bang her, but he wants to get to know her first. Aw. True love.

Erika takes a long look at Glen as well. Apparently, he could compete with athletes in their twenties, but he's got to be in his thirties. He's tan and well-muscles, blah blah blah. Then the detail that made me laugh out loud. She's talking about his mouth, when she thinks, “its symmetry broken by a small scar on his upper lip.” I doubt it'll be because of an epic fencing duel, like it was in The Devil Earl, but it amuses me greatly that he has to be rugged enough to have a scar, but it can't be anything seriously deforming, so it's just a little scar on his lip. I'm sure she'll kiss it and make it better.

Then we find out where they met before. Erika was helping at a hotel and there was a mix-up about Glen's reservation. He was with some blond at the time and Erika is totally not jealous. It's a little weird that she remembers his face “so well” if that's all the interaction they had previously. While taking a look at Erika's backstory, we learn that she has steered clear of marriage because her parents' divorce made her bitter. So, she's single, then? It'll be even less time for her and Glen to hook up. Oh, Glen doesn't believe in marriage either. They're perfect for each other?

Erika tries to leave, but Glen says they have to listen to the song with her contribution to it. So, he guides her over to the piano, and pulls her down on the seat next to him. Well then. In the heat of the moment, she comes up with, “The whole Kama Sutra of passion's galvanics.” Okay, Erika, I'm a little worried about why you are bringing the predecessor of the battery into the bedroom. I'm not entirely clear on what “galvanics” means, dictionary.com was less than helpful, but it still seems a little sketch.

Erika tells Glen that she's seen all of his shows, then tries to deflate his ego by mentioning that she loves musicals in general. Oh, apparently, Glen's dad is also a composer and Glen's got some issue with him. No time for that, though, Erika has to get to bed. Jet lag, you know. Glen walks her to the edge of an exterior light the hotel has. Men are apparently more dangerous, and therefore sexy, in dim lighting. Then they stand there and stare at each other.

You see, Erika wants him to kiss her, but she is powerless to move because he's got a “magnetic aura.” The books says explicitly that she can't walk away, but I don't understand why she doesn't move to kiss him. Isn't she supposed to be an empowered, independent woman? Or does his magnetism only work to a certain distance, and then it starts repelling instead of attracting? Anyway, she finally starts to walk away when he pulls her back and kisses her with his hands all up and down her back. When he stops kissing her, Glen holds her at arm's length for a moment and says, “Good night, beautiful Erika.” He walks away and Erika takes a few steps toward the hotel and stops. She waits to stop blushing and for her heart to calm down. Hotel managers need poise and whatnot, you see. When she does finally calm down, she enters the hotel and her heart is “singing with joy”. Egads.

So, given that we got the word “eroticism” ten pages into the story, I'm guessing that the two of them will have sex, probably in the next two chapters or so, be driven apart by some misunderstanding which is made worse because each thought the other was truly committed, solve the misunderstanding, and the book will finish with their make-up activities. They've got 241 pages from start to finish. Let's see what Nancy John does with it.

No Love in Return-Chapter Eleven: The Final Chapter

Eve realizes that she needs more than four or five days to gather up her resolve to refuse Jack. She's going to have to hide somewhere for awhile. She can't afford the airfare to visit Jane, and she can't afford a hotel room in the city. So she calls Tony. Tony says that having Eve underfoot would cramp his style and such. She'd better have good reasons for wanting to stay with him, but he's working so she can tell him that night.

Eve explains and Tony is perplexed. She loves Jack and it's obvious that he loves her, so why doesn't she want to marry him? He's showed her that he loves her. Some guys don't say it. Also, the wording makes it seem like Tony's straight. Huh. All right then.

Eve says that of course she's holding out. Tony told her much earlier not to settle for crumbs, after all. Tony replies that marriage is not a cumb. Tony advises her to marry Jack on whatever terms he wants, but if she won't then to just say no. Eve says that Jack will make her agree and Tony asks how. Eve blushes and says Tony's a man of the world, he should figure it out. 'Sexual persuasion?' he asks. Eve agrees and looks away. “But, Eve dear, that's what love's all about...” Wait. What? Tony clarifies by saying that Jack is willing to do whatever it takes to marry her and Eve loves Jack so much that she can't resist. Eve says it's not love, it's just Jack wanting to get his way again and it's not fair. Tony asks if it's fair for her to run away. He refuses to harbor her and recommends that she face the music. Eve replies that she has no other alternative. Maybe if you had more than two friends...

That night, as she goes to sleep, Eve reflects that men are “a cruel and heartless lot” and that Jack's going to force her into “a cold-blooded business proposition of a marriage”. Eve thinks about how her life would be just terrible with Jack controlling her all the time with kisses and such. She eventually falls asleep and wakes up to the door buzzer. Blearily, she stumbles out of bed and answers the door. It's Jack and he looks like hell. Eve realizes that she totes is in love with him. She's pretty sure that this is love, but she hesitates at the brink. She offers Jack some coffee and he accepts, so they both wander into the kitchen.

Jack gives Eve a barrage of how she's forced him to change, fighting him every step of the way. Then he talks about how Eve's different. He tried to initiate an affair between them, but it didn't work. She didn't jump at the chance and when she did start something it was really the champagne. Jack admits that she made him want to lose all control and throw his emotions in, and that scared him. I win. Anyway, Jack kept wanting her until he realized that he did love her when Tony called to say she'd been attacked. By Thanksgiving, Jack knew he must have her. When trying to force her to stay in Stonegate didn't work, and neither did paying for her college, he tried to merge them in the only way he knew: like a business. Somewhere over the ocean, Jack realized what an idiot he'd been and he came back to New York. Then he asks if they can sit down.

They go to the living room and sit on the couch. Jack grabs Eve's shoulders and looks deeply into her eyes. He tells her that it was because she refused him that he realized he'd been dumb. He started missing her so much that it hurt. After not seeing her for a few hours. Wow. Eve asks if he's had a change of heart. Jack replies that before Eve, he's not sure he had a heart. Really? Then why was Lucie so important to you? Whatever. Eve gets happy, they've got their happily ever after! Then Jack moves away. Eve asks why. He's gonna go turn off that kettle. He wants to focus all of his attention on Eve. When he comes back to the living room, he asks if they're going to be married. Eve replies, “I-that is-if that's what you want.” Whatever. I'm sure she'll grow a spine later. Probably. Eve teases him about having a big wedding and waiting until spring to marry. Jack asks her to have pity on him. His staff all think he's crazy...'cause he totally is. He's crazy for her.

They kiss and it's like never before, because all of the barriers are down between them now. Neither of them is holding back...especially after Jack says he loves Eve and always will. They make out or something and the book ends.

Geeze, that took them long enough. Also, this title is a lie. She had love in return, even before the last chapter, he was just too stupid to realize it. Well, there you go. That's No Love in Return by Elizabeth Barnes. I hope you enjoyed the snarkiness.  It is likely there will be another book on this blog, but that won't happen until summer.

No Love in Return-Chapter Ten: Jack, The Savvy Dumb-Head

So, Jack insisted on walking Eve to her apartment door. They argued about each step, apparently, and now here they are. Is anyone surprised when they end up on the couch with their shirts off? It's a good thing Eve doesn't have an apartment-mate anymore. He offered to pay her college expenses before this, but they got off track. They stop their canoodling when Jack re-remembers that they want different things. He can't give her love, which is what she has every right to expect, so they can't be together. He wants her so badly, but he's trying to give her up so she can have what she wants! Why is this guy so dumb? Eve tells Jack that she thinks he could figure out how to love, with some time. Jack leaves, apparently without another word.

Eve's ready to wait for him to figure this out on his own. There's no logic here, so he'll have to admit that he loves her. Right? Jack calls on Sunday asking for Eve to come to his office. He's got a crisis and he'll have to head to Rome soon, but he needs to talk to her now. He's sending a car that'll be there in fifteen minutes. Eve thinks that he's taking a lot for granted (oh, she's noticing these things now), but it's all okay because he's going to tell her he loves her. Maybe he'll even take her to Rome. It was at this point that I knew Eve was totally wrong. She's gotta be wrong. Also, there's still another chapter left.

The limo pulls up and Eve goes to Sinclair Enterprises. There's all kinds of people there and they're terribly busy. Yet Jack found time for her anyway. This just proves he's had a change of heart. Eve walks into his office and Jack says he's found a solution to their problem. They could agree not to see each other but that wouldn't please him and would be dumb. So, he says, “I think we should marry.” Huh. I was pretty much right. Eve asks why and Jack starts up the power point presentation. They're compatible, they interest each other, lots of physical attraction, Jack wants a family, and Eve can go back to school to learn what she wants and stop modeling. Everybody wins!

Eve says no. I mean, c'mon, he even expects you to nag him to include you in his life! Kidding. I mean, he does, but that's not a good basis for a relationship. Jack flat out says he won't love her and that's Eve's one requirement. Eve says that what Jack described sounds like love and he says it totally isn't. “Love is something very different; it's irrational and unpredictable and far too uncontrollable for my taste.” So, there's this operetta Patience by Gilbert and Sullivan. In it, Patience asks what love is. She's never been in love, so she doesn't understand. She's told that love burns and scorches; that it stings, and other such unpleasantries. Patience decides that, if love is so terrible, then she totally does love this one guy. Because, you know, she hates him. This is the same idea.

Eve accuses Jack of going on about the three generations of terrible people in his family so he has something to hide behind. All the things he says he doesn't like about love, he doesn't like about himself. Then she accuses him of being afraid to be himself and doing anything to avoid it. They yell at each other, and Eve starts leaving the office. She says she won't take this business deal and wishes Jack well on his other crisis. He doesn't leave it at that. He follows her through the office, the two of them arguing at the tops of their voices the whole way, and into the limo.

In the limo, Jack seems to decide yelling at her isn't the best way to get her to see his side. He says they have something more reliable than love. He means lust, but he's totally in love with this girl. Anyway, she says no and he starts kissing her. Then he tells her to kiss him and she narrates that she has no choice. They make out for awhile and Jack says that she wants him as much as he wants her. He tells her that what they have is enough, and she'll realize that when she has time to think things through. Eve says that there isn't anything to think through. It won't change how she feels. Jack says she'll change her mind. It's interesting characterization that she goes for emotions and he goes for logic.

Jack says there are other ways to convince her and he puts his hand on her thigh under her skirt. Well hot damn, kid. Slow down there. Eve says no, and Jack says yes and tells her not to fight him. Don't worry, he doesn't rape her...here. I'm a little worried about what happens in the last chapter. Jack says that he'll be back in four or five days and they'll settle this as Eve gets out at her apartment. Eve decides to run away because she can't fight him off.

Wow. That's...that's a little worrisome.