Viscount Breckenridge to the Rescue-Chapter Twelve: They Bang Like Bunnies

Tim and Heather walk into the tiny village of Craigdarroch just before it starts really getting dark. There's not a bigger place anywhere close, so they'll have to stay here for the night. They decide on a cottage and head over. When they knock, a woman answers and she's super suspicious of Tim. I mean, he is a strange, giant man knocking at her door in this town where she's likely known everyone forever. Fortunately for Tim, Heather is with him and she seems more trustworthy to the woman. Once Tim notices what's going on, he tries to make himself smaller and offers to cut wood for this lady, and give her some money, in return for letting them stay. The woman, Mrs. Croft, lets them inside and explains that, because she's a widow, she has to be careful. Fortunately for her, she's a side character in a romance novel, so she'll be all right.

They chat about the woodbox for a bit, Tim will chop wood tomorrow, and Mrs. Croft says she'll make them supper and breakfast. She's got a stew going and she'll let them know when it's ready. They get the room over the kitchen to stay in. They go up and drop off their stuff just before Mrs. Croft ascends with a pitcher of warm water for them to wash up. What a nice lady. After she leaves, Heather wonders aloud what happened to Mrs. Croft to make her react to Tim that way. Tim replies, matter-of-factly, that her husband probably beat her. Great. ...and they say no more about it.

Anyway, they both wash the road off of themselves and Tim sits on the bed to look at the map. He wants to have sexy times with Heather again, but he doesn't want to be a cad and push it so soon after they've been walking. Also we get a reminder that his plan is to bang her until she wants to marry him. I'm seriously wondering why he doesn't see the flaw in his plan, but anyway... Tim tells Heather that they'll probably reach the Vale tomorrow afternoon and Heather grunts in reply. Then Tim thinks about how much he does not like men who beat women, even if the women are super bitches. Fate does a better job of dealing out badness. This line of thinking also leads him to realize that he'll never hurt Heather, but he'll kill anyone who does. Which is both kind of sweet and kind of terrifying.

Tim may have decided to leave off the smexiness, but Heather is aware of their dwindling time frame and wants as much bang for her buck as she can get. So to speak. So, she starts getting handsy with Tim. Once she has his attention, she asks him how he would play this if they were at a party and only had a short time to have sex. They are right over where Mrs. Croft is making stew, so they'll have to be quiet. They talk through a lot of it first, about how they'd need to keep their clothes on if this were the situation Heather was talking about, and how they couldn't just use a bed the way they normally would. After they've got this established, they get off the bed and get to the door, which stays closed, by the way.

Tim starts by kissing Heather and is amazed at her directness and honesty in the way she kisses him back, as compared to his other lovers. It's amazing the difference when you actually love the person you're having sex with, but I don't think Tim realizes that is a two way street, and neither does Heather. Anyway, lots of making out and then he picks her up and takes her over to the bed. They keep making out and then he fondles her breast. There's also this kind of disturbing sentence, “If it had been up to him, he would have forgotten about dinner and instead bared her breasts and feasted.” Um. I know the meaning Ms. Laurens is going for here, but I can't help but take that sentence in the creepy way instead.

Anyway, he plays with her boobs for awhile, and then fingers her through her clothes before sliding under her skirts and getting frisky. Just with his hand so far. She orgasms and it's great, but why stop there? Tim asks if she wants him inside her and she says that she totes does, but she's not sure how they're going to do that with the limitations they've set themselves. Face down, ass up that's the way we like to... Ahem. This goes on for awhile and some of the words used kind of make me uncomfortable. Like, “turgid” to describe his erection, which apparently means swollen, or distended both literally and figuratively. Both obvious and unappealing. Anyway, they bang and Tim feels his emotions rising because he can tell that for Heather, it's important that it's him that she's banging, not just that she's having sex. I'm assuming the latter was almost entirely the experience he had before her.

So, eventually, with much purple prose, they both orgasm and he collapses on the bed, thankfully not on top of her. Heather tells him that their sex was amazing, and Tim reflects on how they can't bang once they get to the Vale, so he'll have to enjoy this last night. Oh, and also that in his experience they're super duper amazing.

They both fell asleep, but wake up to Mrs. Croft ringing her dinner bell, which is probably a little bell, but it amuses me to think of it as a big triangle, like they have on ranches. They straighten themselves up, then head down for dinner. Tim tries to take up as little space as possible. Heather notices that Mrs. Croft has a basket of mending, which she does to support herself, and offers to help the widow. So, after dinner Tim washes up so the ladies can get started on the mending more quickly. Mrs. Croft shows Tim where the wood and axe and stuff are so he can get started on that tomorrow, then he heads up to bed.

Heather, meanwhile, feels quite content. She's doing something useful and active and she knows that Tim will be waiting for her upstairs. Because they're banging like bunnies. Anyway, once they finish the sewing, Mrs. Croft tells Heather that Tim is a good man and that Heather should hang onto him. ...which is odd because they're trying to make it seem like they're married and I don't think divorce was really a thing in that time and place. Anyway, Heather thinks about how she'll be so cool and collected when she and Tim end their affair, and Tim will probably be the same way. Hah. Nope. To both parts.

Heather heads up the stairs, strips down completely, and slides into bed with Tim. Who is also naked. They start out cuddling, but we all know where this is going. Also, if I thought the prose was purple before, this stuff is violet. Here's a sentence, just to show you what I mean: “He led her into the landscape of sensual lushness created by touch, by tactile sensation, by long-drawn intimate exploration capped by sexual revelation.” It goes on like that for awhile. I guess there's only so many times you can relate what literally happens when two people have sex. Oh, also, she's learning sex while he's learning to love. ...also, it's kind of strange that having orgasms is always phrased as the characters shattering. I guess the word "orgasm" itself isn't that sexy, but to use the same euphemism every time makes me start thinking about it literally. I should probably stop doing that with this book.

So, the Highlander. He found the trail of the couple again. He made it into Kirkland before the darkness made him stop. Kirkland is where Tim and Heather stopped for lunch, by the way. We learn a few more things there: he knows the woman he's following is Heather Cynster; his mom wants Heather's reputation ruined, which will somehow save his manor and everyone on it but he doesn't want Heather to be ruined any more; and that he's determined that either he or the man Heather is with are going to marry her, so either of them can protect her. How sweet, he's giving her a choice of husbands between two kidnappers. At least, as far as he knows. Dick.

All right, the Highlander has got to catch up with them in the next chapter, before they make it to the Vale. If he encounters them there, it becomes much more simple and this book has just under 200 pages left to go. I know, reader, I should never have picked up a romance novel this long. It's getting ridiculous. Anyway, the next chapter will have morning sex, mayhem, and possibly the Highlander's real name.

Viscount Breckenridge to the Rescue-Chapter Eleven: Look, emotions!

Heather wakes up the next morning and Tim's already gone. Hmph. She remembers how awesome last night was, then worries that she bled all over the bed losing her virginity. Turns out it was just a “few drops” of blood and her chemise caught them. It kind of bothers me that this book feeds into the assumption that every woman bleeds after her first time, but at least the actual sex seemed pretty legit.

Anyway, Heather is super happy because she had no idea that sex was so great and she's planning on some further exploration that night. I'm assuming that Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright, or at least Mrs. Cartwright, can tell that this “married” couple banged last night and are just too polite to tease them about it. Tim was out chopping wood, by the way. In case you were wondering where he had gone.

Tim and Heather take their leave of the Cartwrights and hit the road at about 9. Tim thinks they may reach the Vale by nightfall, but if it gets mountainous, then they probably won't. Heather is kind of hoping that they won't so she and Tim can have more sex. As they walk along, we get a look into both of their minds.

Heather is, as previously stated, very content with losing her virginity and is looking forward to having more sex with Tim. She in no way finds her, disturbingly vague, plans for the future altered. She just wants a relationship with no ties and assumes it will end at some point. But for now, she feels much more comfortable with him. Tim is hers and she's going to enjoy him to the hilt. ...if you know what I mean.

Tim, meanwhile, really really wants to know what Heather is thinking. He had resigned himself to marrying her earlier, but now he finds that he still wants to wed her, even if she doesn't think it's necessary. He notices that he feels more possessive of her now, but he doesn't want to let her know because if she knows how much he wants her, not just sexually but forever-ly, then she might stop cooperating with his plan to get her to safety. And keeping her safe is everything to him now. Kind of sweet, but I can't help thinking that Heather only objected to a wedding that society pressured her into. She's said nothing against a wedding where she actually wanted to spend the rest of her life with the guy. Not that she thinks there's a chance of that, but Tim doesn't know that part.

In short, for once it's the guy who is desperate to get some commitment, and the girl just wants the sex. Nice role reversal, Ms. Laurens.

While the couple is musing about sex and commitment, the Highlander is out looking for them. He's decided to observe Heather and the man with her for a bit before he decides on what to do. We get an interesting tidbit here, he wants to be sure that Heather's future is happy with whatever man she chooses and would be just as awesome as if he had “not been forced to kidnap her.” Wait. What? Forced to kidnap her? I'm assuming that it's part of some scheme to keep her away from his conniving momma, or something, but we're not given a lot of answers here. Apparently, this wasn't his intent at the beginning but now he feels like he has to do well by Heather. Which is good, I suppose. He's still got that notion that Heather has to marry someone, but I suppose that's not a big deal, since she'll end up marrying Tim.

We jump back to Heather and Tim as they stop to eat in the wilderness near Kirkland. We get some more about how, although he'll leave her when they get back to London, Heather has Tim as he is now and no other woman will see him with his beard all scraggly and his clothes all not fashionable. She's laying claim to him, huh? It's gonna be hard to let go once you consider him yours....

Tim looks at Heather's face while she's imagining further reaches of great sex. He's a bit more troubled. He feels like he has to trick Heather into wanting to marry him, or something. It seems like his plan is to make her want him. A lot. Like, a metric ton. So she'll agree to be bound to him. Kind of a dumb plan, honestly. You think you'll be able to use lust to get her to marry you when you're already banging? Tim also reflects on how as he's trying to tie Heather closer to him, he's also tying himself closer to her. Weird how that works both ways.

Now back to the Highlander. He's getting pissed. Heather and her mysterious man didn't make it to Thornhill, which means they probably turned off of the main road. Somewhere. Also, apparently it's for the safety of himself and everyone on his estate that he have Heather with him. He also has a huge sense of responsibility for putting Heather in this situation. As well he should. So the chapter closes with him riding onward, looking for Heather. Because apparently he's gotten in way over his head.

For the next chapter, I predict....more sex! That's kind of a gimme, though. I also think the Highlander will encounter Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright and learn that Heather seems to be a married woman. With a ring, even! He'll assume Heather got married at the anvil and his very complicated plan will have to get more intricate to deal with this change.

Viscount Breckenridge to the Rescue-Chapter Ten: They Finally Bang

Well, I guess I was wrong about what I thought Heather would be comfortable with. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning of this chapter.

We catch up with Tim and Heather after they've turned off of the main road to Glasgow onto the smaller road they're taking to Catriona's place. We read, briefly, about a stone circle the couple notice before moving on. I'm guessing that is so the reader will know when the Highlander is catching up to them. They travel on until sunset and come to a small village for the night, called Gribton. There about about five houses in this village, so think tiny. The first house they go to doesn't have an extra room, but they're directed to one that does. Their son and daughter-in-law moved to Glasgow, you see.

Before they knock on the door of the next house, Tim mentions to Heather that this couple will likely only have one room available and they'll only want to let these two stay in it if they think Tim and Heather are married. Heather has no problem going along with this charade, so Tim puts his signet ring on her finger and she turns it around so only the band shows. Tim reflects on how he wanted to put a ring on it for a different reason, but figures this will have to do for now. Thus armed with a prop, the two knock on the door and find that Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright are all too willing to lend them a room for the night, as well as feed them dinner. They all settle in for dinner, then Heather and Tim take the chance to take a bath in the couple's washroom. Separately, of course.

Then it's bed time. The room they have is just about large enough for the bed, with small walkways around it and a dresser. So, given all of his lustiness and attraction, Tim does not want to share this bed with Heather. Heather argues him into it. The gist of her argument is that there isn't room for him on the floor in the narrow walkway, she'll be freezing sleeping on her own, and she's not planning on marrying any man anyway, so it doesn't matter if they share a bed. She has also figured out that Society will want them to marry, and she doesn't give a fuck. Heather has plans for her life which are, unfortunately, incredibly vague, but I think she wants to be a nanny. Or something. Anyway, she don't need no man so there's no need to keep herself “pure” for anyone. I'm glad someone else thinks that idea is ridiculous as well.

Anyway, Tim gets into the bed, wearing only his shirt, while Heather hangs on to the side of the mattress to prevent herself from rolling onto him. Then she thinks better of this idea, embodies the carpe diem movement and YOLO all in one and rolls onto Tim to kiss him passionately. He, apparently, is a control freak because throughout this there's talk about how he reins it in, and has an ironclad will and whatnot. Anyway, he makes sure verbally that, yes, she really does want this and that she'll follow his lead with no directions. She intends it for one night; he intends it forever, but this is just in Tim's thoughts. With all of this established, he goes to work. Firstly, there's just lots of kissing, which becomes French kissing. Lots of description of Heather's mouth as different kinds of fabric: silk and satin, mostly.

Then he kisses and licks her neck, unties the bows of her chemise with his mouth and moves on to her boobs. One sentence kind of worries me here, “[Heather] Had never known that the mere brush of his lips over her bare nipple could make it tighten to such a degree that she felt real pain.” I guess at least she's not in pain for long once he starts sucking on her nipples. There's lots more description as he goes after her other nipple, and slides her chemise further down her torso. There's a bit of thought here about how he captures her senses so she's his and his to lead. Interesting turn of phrase... He teases her by playing with her belly button, then moving further down only to play with her legs and her inner thigh. During this, she makes him take his shirt off she she can touch him. She's taking power too? Unheard of! But Tim has no real problem with letting her touch him. Then she gets him on his back and starts kissing him and exploring his chest with her lips, tongue, and teeth. No worries, he likes it. After she does this to each nipple (gotta have symmetry), he kisses her again and slides her chemise down her legs a ways, grabbing her butt. Then he gets her back on her back and slides the chemise off entirely. Then he puts his shoulders under her thighs. Ladies and gentlemen, we have oral sex.

Heather, of course, doesn't know what he's doing, but knows that she loves it. As she's building to an orgasm she still has no idea what's going on, but knows that it's going to be awesome. And then it is. Just after she orgasms, Tim puts his fingers in her to stretch her out a little. One thing that made me giggle while I read this, it's never a vagina it's almost always a sheath. ...but his penis is a member and not a sword or some similar word that would make the metaphor complete. Oh well. I really doubt most readers are concerned about metaphors at this point.

Anyway, Heather gets impatient and starts touching Tim's dick, so then he goes ahead and actually has sex with her. They both enjoy this thoroughly. This is Heather's first time, but it's also the most amazing thing Tim's ever felt either. And he bangs all kinds of women, ones who are more experienced and stuff. He's never been in love with the women he's banged, though. Also, he feels way vulnerable after they both orgasm and he collapses on her. She sees him like that and doesn't mind. Also she thanks him for the sex. How polite. So, Tim still feels exposed and vulnerable even though Heather is asleep, but they cuddle together naked and he's super content. End of chapter.

You didn't think there'd be time for plot when they had sex for the first time, did you? For the next chapter, I think we'll start from the Highlander's point of view and we'll see his struggles in finding this errant couple. Then maybe we'll jump back to Tim and Heather to see the after effects of their sex. Because there will be after effects.