Friday, February 27, 2015

Viscount Breckenridge to the Rescue-Chapter Twelve: They Bang Like Bunnies

Tim and Heather walk into the tiny village of Craigdarroch just before it starts really getting dark. There's not a bigger place anywhere close, so they'll have to stay here for the night. They decide on a cottage and head over. When they knock, a woman answers and she's super suspicious of Tim. I mean, he is a strange, giant man knocking at her door in this town where she's likely known everyone forever. Fortunately for Tim, Heather is with him and she seems more trustworthy to the woman. Once Tim notices what's going on, he tries to make himself smaller and offers to cut wood for this lady, and give her some money, in return for letting them stay. The woman, Mrs. Croft, lets them inside and explains that, because she's a widow, she has to be careful. Fortunately for her, she's a side character in a romance novel, so she'll be all right.

They chat about the woodbox for a bit, Tim will chop wood tomorrow, and Mrs. Croft says she'll make them supper and breakfast. She's got a stew going and she'll let them know when it's ready. They get the room over the kitchen to stay in. They go up and drop off their stuff just before Mrs. Croft ascends with a pitcher of warm water for them to wash up. What a nice lady. After she leaves, Heather wonders aloud what happened to Mrs. Croft to make her react to Tim that way. Tim replies, matter-of-factly, that her husband probably beat her. Great. ...and they say no more about it.

Anyway, they both wash the road off of themselves and Tim sits on the bed to look at the map. He wants to have sexy times with Heather again, but he doesn't want to be a cad and push it so soon after they've been walking. Also we get a reminder that his plan is to bang her until she wants to marry him. I'm seriously wondering why he doesn't see the flaw in his plan, but anyway... Tim tells Heather that they'll probably reach the Vale tomorrow afternoon and Heather grunts in reply. Then Tim thinks about how much he does not like men who beat women, even if the women are super bitches. Fate does a better job of dealing out badness. This line of thinking also leads him to realize that he'll never hurt Heather, but he'll kill anyone who does. Which is both kind of sweet and kind of terrifying.

Tim may have decided to leave off the smexiness, but Heather is aware of their dwindling time frame and wants as much bang for her buck as she can get. So to speak. So, she starts getting handsy with Tim. Once she has his attention, she asks him how he would play this if they were at a party and only had a short time to have sex. They are right over where Mrs. Croft is making stew, so they'll have to be quiet. They talk through a lot of it first, about how they'd need to keep their clothes on if this were the situation Heather was talking about, and how they couldn't just use a bed the way they normally would. After they've got this established, they get off the bed and get to the door, which stays closed, by the way.

Tim starts by kissing Heather and is amazed at her directness and honesty in the way she kisses him back, as compared to his other lovers. It's amazing the difference when you actually love the person you're having sex with, but I don't think Tim realizes that is a two way street, and neither does Heather. Anyway, lots of making out and then he picks her up and takes her over to the bed. They keep making out and then he fondles her breast. There's also this kind of disturbing sentence, “If it had been up to him, he would have forgotten about dinner and instead bared her breasts and feasted.” Um. I know the meaning Ms. Laurens is going for here, but I can't help but take that sentence in the creepy way instead.

Anyway, he plays with her boobs for awhile, and then fingers her through her clothes before sliding under her skirts and getting frisky. Just with his hand so far. She orgasms and it's great, but why stop there? Tim asks if she wants him inside her and she says that she totes does, but she's not sure how they're going to do that with the limitations they've set themselves. Face down, ass up that's the way we like to... Ahem. This goes on for awhile and some of the words used kind of make me uncomfortable. Like, “turgid” to describe his erection, which apparently means swollen, or distended both literally and figuratively. Both obvious and unappealing. Anyway, they bang and Tim feels his emotions rising because he can tell that for Heather, it's important that it's him that she's banging, not just that she's having sex. I'm assuming the latter was almost entirely the experience he had before her.

So, eventually, with much purple prose, they both orgasm and he collapses on the bed, thankfully not on top of her. Heather tells him that their sex was amazing, and Tim reflects on how they can't bang once they get to the Vale, so he'll have to enjoy this last night. Oh, and also that in his experience they're super duper amazing.

They both fell asleep, but wake up to Mrs. Croft ringing her dinner bell, which is probably a little bell, but it amuses me to think of it as a big triangle, like they have on ranches. They straighten themselves up, then head down for dinner. Tim tries to take up as little space as possible. Heather notices that Mrs. Croft has a basket of mending, which she does to support herself, and offers to help the widow. So, after dinner Tim washes up so the ladies can get started on the mending more quickly. Mrs. Croft shows Tim where the wood and axe and stuff are so he can get started on that tomorrow, then he heads up to bed.

Heather, meanwhile, feels quite content. She's doing something useful and active and she knows that Tim will be waiting for her upstairs. Because they're banging like bunnies. Anyway, once they finish the sewing, Mrs. Croft tells Heather that Tim is a good man and that Heather should hang onto him. ...which is odd because they're trying to make it seem like they're married and I don't think divorce was really a thing in that time and place. Anyway, Heather thinks about how she'll be so cool and collected when she and Tim end their affair, and Tim will probably be the same way. Hah. Nope. To both parts.

Heather heads up the stairs, strips down completely, and slides into bed with Tim. Who is also naked. They start out cuddling, but we all know where this is going. Also, if I thought the prose was purple before, this stuff is violet. Here's a sentence, just to show you what I mean: “He led her into the landscape of sensual lushness created by touch, by tactile sensation, by long-drawn intimate exploration capped by sexual revelation.” It goes on like that for awhile. I guess there's only so many times you can relate what literally happens when two people have sex. Oh, also, she's learning sex while he's learning to love. ...also, it's kind of strange that having orgasms is always phrased as the characters shattering. I guess the word "orgasm" itself isn't that sexy, but to use the same euphemism every time makes me start thinking about it literally. I should probably stop doing that with this book.

So, the Highlander. He found the trail of the couple again. He made it into Kirkland before the darkness made him stop. Kirkland is where Tim and Heather stopped for lunch, by the way. We learn a few more things there: he knows the woman he's following is Heather Cynster; his mom wants Heather's reputation ruined, which will somehow save his manor and everyone on it but he doesn't want Heather to be ruined any more; and that he's determined that either he or the man Heather is with are going to marry her, so either of them can protect her. How sweet, he's giving her a choice of husbands between two kidnappers. At least, as far as he knows. Dick.

All right, the Highlander has got to catch up with them in the next chapter, before they make it to the Vale. If he encounters them there, it becomes much more simple and this book has just under 200 pages left to go. I know, reader, I should never have picked up a romance novel this long. It's getting ridiculous. Anyway, the next chapter will have morning sex, mayhem, and possibly the Highlander's real name.

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