Chapter Twenty: Consequences and Epilogue

So, Prudence drags herself out of the rubble. What about Sebastian?! Oh no! He could be dead!! Oh, hi there Mr. Worth. Could you stop thinking Prudence is the Devil Earl's wife and help? No? Oh, hi James. Why are you down here? To dig Sebastian out, of course.

Sebastian has some cuts and he broke his leg but that's all. They get him out of there in three pages. Not really a big deal. Oh! Prudence isn't always right, though. She was wrong this time about the other part of the cave being safe. Well, I take it all back. She's in no way a Mary Sue. Well, she's close, but she isn't. It's a romance novel, she's just the main character.

Anyway, everyone's crowded around Sebastian's bed. James is taunting him. Eventually, Sebastian reveals that they found a fortune. Woot! Life is awesome when you have money! Then Phoebe turns to Prudence and asks what they were doing in the cave in their nightclothes. I really want to read Prudence's answer, but the scene shifts. Aw man.

It's late at night in the library. Prudence is stuck in her novel. She's not sure how to get her characters out of the basement. Sebastian wanders down on his crutches. He's using the secret passageway. Man, if he fell in there, I think only Prudence would know he could be there. Whatever, it'll be fine.

Anyway, Prudence is also worried that Sebastian will be bored. Oh yeah, they're totes married now. So, Prudence complains about her problem in her story and Sebastian offers some ideas. Prudence decides that Sebastian should write some and she bustles off to get tea. When she comes back, he has an idea and they write furiously all night long. Well, until they stop to have sex, anyway.

The chapter ends with Prudence thinking this is a good beginning.

Epilogue!

Woah. They have kids? What? How did that happen? Also, the village accepted Ravenclaw and James. Prudence's and Sebastian's books sell well. They have a little boy, Bartholomew, who's kind of a jerk and has gotten the nickname Devil Earl, and a little girl, Evelina who doesn't seem to have a personality. She's two. How old is the boy? I dunno.

Prudence gets dragged out of the store to deal with her son. Bartholomew decided to play Indian by chasing someone's chickens around. He also tied his nursemaid to a tree.

Anyway, the lady who owns the chickens talks to Prudence like nothing had happened after Bartholomew stops being an energetic kid so that we can learn what a great success James is and how the village thinks that family is awesome now. Bartholomew charms the old lady so that the book ends with: “God bless you, then, Devil Earl.”

Aw. Isn't that sweet? Well, I hope you enjoyed this satirical summary. It was lots of fun to write, but I don't think I'll do this again unless I get another free, terrible book. Thanks for reading!

Chapter Nineteen: Remember That “Drama” Thing?

Prudence took the secret passageway to Sebastian's room. I mean, the author barely hinted at that so I wasn't sure that's what she would do. I thought she'd be stuck in that library forever! Prudence tells Sebastian that Mr. Poo-Face locked her in the library and Sebastian freaks out. A life without Pru? No! Then he realizes that he loves her. Really? Just now? All righty then...

Anyway, Sebastian gets up and gets his brother. Both guys tell their ladies to lock themselves in their bedrooms. Remember James' crew? I didn't, but they come up later and then I wondered why the brothers don't wake up the crew. For all they know, there's a bunch of smugglers wandering around Wolfinger Abbey. Nah. I'm sure the two of them will be able to handle it. Oh yeah, there's a huge storm going on. Wolfinger Abbey is not pleased at this intrusion!

James sneaks up behind one of them smugglers and holds a knife to his throat. The smuggler tells James there's three of them. Sebastian ties the guy up, gags him, and leaves him locked in the pantry. You're not going to knock him out? You're just going to assume the ropes will hold or that he can't make noise in the pantry? Fine. Whatever.

The brothers wander into the great hall. James sees Mr. Poo-Face himself, so he goes and wrassles him. James has a score to settle on Phoebe's account, after all. Sebastian figures that his brother will win eventually, and he lurks in the shadows instead.

Can we please have a book just about James? Please?

During a flash of lightning, Sebastian notices that the great hall has been ravaged. Yes, ravaged. There's a broken mirror and a portrait of the Devil Earl has been slashed. Shit just got real. Sebastian is pissed.

James has Mr. Poo-Face by the throat when someone from the doorway tells James to put him down. It's the smugglers' boss. Sebastian sees the guy is too far away for a good shot, so he continues lurking. Really? That must be a huge great hall. Maybe it's really great. I dunno.

Anyway, James calls the chief's bluff, saying that he'll kill Mr. Poo-Face unless the smuggler chief drops his pistol. The smuggler chief does not give a flying fig from outer space. Then he says something to Mr. Poo-Face that's too bad ass to belong in this book: “You have become tiresome. I would shoot you myself, but I can't spare a bullet.” Yes! Can we have a book about this guy instead?

Sebastian decides now would be a good time to step in. He enters the light and tells the chief to drop his gun. Oh yeah, the storm goes crazy, lightning strikes a tree, and the branches slide down a window. Can we stop insinuating that Sebastian controls the elements? He doesn't.

The chief fires and Sebastian does too. Sebastian gets hit in the chest. James races over to try to stop the bleeding, but Sebastian was shot through the heart. As he bleeds out, he says one word: Prudence.

OK, so both men fire, but neither shot hits. Sorry, guys. The chief runs away and he goes under the eastern arch. The brothers stand at the bottom and watch the chief go up the steps. James asks if they should tell him. Nah.

The smuggler chief opens a door and races through it, only to fall onto the rocks below with a wet splat. You see, the Devil Earl built a door that goes to nowhere because he's a jerk.

Later, Prudence and Phoebe are at breakfast. The men have just returned from the magistrate. Wouldn't you know it? Prudence was right again. The smugglers who were there somehow escaped. So, Sebastian and James decided to bring smuggler #1 and Mr. Poo-Face back to Wolfinger to await the exercisemen. Yeah, I don't know either.

Oh yeah, while that conversation is happening, they get sidetracked. I mean, Phoebe and James have to stare into each other's eyes for a bit. Prudence and Sebastian have a bit of dialogue instead. Sebastian's glad Prudence isn't as effusive as Phoebe. Prudence says she can be sometimes, if-ya-know-what-I-mean. Sebastian tells her that sometimes, he totally digs that. Then he gives “her a slow, wicked smile that promised untold delights.” I can tell you what those untold delights are. Sex.

Anyway, Phoebe asks if she and James can live in the cottage that she and Prudence used to call home. You know, Phoebe will live there with her husband and Prudence can live in Wolfinger with her....her...um. Yeah! Of course, you can come visit, Prudence. Also, their conversation ends with an innuendo. I didn't want you to miss out.

Anyway, late that night, Sebastian creeps into Prudence's room and wakes her up. Apparently she sleeps naked now. He hands her a robe and she slides it on and steps into her slippers. They're gonna do something before Sebastian boards up the passage. I'm pretty sure you know where this is going.

They sneak down there, past the sleeping Mr. Worth, and step into the cave. Remember that rock on which Sebastian wanted to have sex with Prudence? Yeah. That happens. Anyway, in the warmth of the afterglow, Prudence yells out, “I love you!”

Wait. What? You love him? I did not see this coming. He tells her that he's been in love with her for awhile. Oh yeah? Well, I've loved you longer! Nu-uh! Yuh-huh!

Anyway, they're about to go at it again when Sebastian asks if this means Prudence will marry him. What a classy way to propose.

Anyway, Sebastian carries Prudence back in the cave, several hours later apparently. That was the best sex of his life, blah blah blah. Oh look! This part of the wall is different colored! Prudence sticks Sebastian's knife in it (I'm not being figurative here) and discovers another part of the cavern.

Look, gold! The Devil Earl must have been a pirate! All right. I want a book about James, the smuggler chief, or the actual Devil Earl instead of this one. Please? Well, to be fair, there's only one more chapter and an epilogue left in this one.

Anyway, Sebastian is glad the gold has just been discovered now. He'll actually put it to good use now. So, they're starting to move the chest out when Wolfinger Abbey gets angry! Stuff starts falling down! “Sebastian, forget the gold!” Then Prudence falls forward and the world goes black.

See, because when you've tied up the plot, but you need more pages, just throw your characters into another predicament at the end of a chapter. I'm guessing this will be resolved fairly quickly. Oh, also, Mr. Worth didn't wake up when they were tearing the wall apart? I know they're in the cellars, but the noise might have been amplified... Fine. Whateves.

Chapter Eighteen: The Disappointment

I really should not have gotten excited for this fight. It sucked. I'm getting ahead of myself.

Prudence, Phoebe, and Ravenclaw travel back to Wolfinger by coach and James sails there in Will-o'-the-wisp, his ship. I dunno, I think he's trying too hard with that name. Well, someone is anyway...

Mrs. Worth freaks out that she and her husband have to deal with three people. Prudence offers her and her sister's help to Mrs. Worth. Silly Prudence, that's not allowed. Mrs. Worth says she'll manage somehow. The next day James walks in. He's alive! Mrs. Worth says she'll trust Sebastian more now. Oh, Mrs. Worth, did we mention that James' crew is staying here too? Poor woman.

James' crew watches the cave every night, but the smugglers don't come back until the dark of the moon. Sebastian hangs in the shadows, intimidates the smugglers with his name and the threat of the abbey itself, and refuses to be bought off or let the smugglers leave. Two of the smugglers try to run so James shoots one of them. We don't know where the guy gets shot until the end of the paragraph. No, he didn't die and neither did James shoot him in the kneecap to keep him from running. The guy got shot in the shoulder. Anyway, James' crew ties up the smugglers and disarms them.

James steps forward and asks if they remember him. He calls a few by name, but he's so different now that they don't recognize him. James tells them who he is, then starts deciding what to do with them. He could turn them over to his captain, but that guy is...out of business now. (I'm going to pretend that the captain is dead. It makes this more interesting.) Then there's this guy who wanted James dead. James puts his gun against the guy's temple, sighs, and doesn't shoot him. You know, guys, let's just turn them over to the magistrate. Lame.

James' crew hauls off the smugglers and James adds their ship to his, making a fleet of two. Oh, also, Sebastian thinks about how his brother came out of this experience much better and different and stuff. Wow. It's a good thing Phoebe still loves him. Although, I'm not sure if that'll last too long since he's so changed now.

Sebastian thinks briefly about how he doesn't want to smugglers to know about the secret passage, but then he starts thinking about Prudence and he stops caring. She's probably peeking around the corner of the secret passage, you know. Prudence is worried the magistrate will just let the smugglers go, but Sebastian tells her she's over thinking this. Prudence decides to take the Beatles' advice and let it be. Sebastian plans how they'll get back into the house, go in the library, take the secret passage, and go have sex.

Oh hi there, Mr. Worth. No, you shouldn't shoot Sebastian. Mr. Worth's gun hits the floor and fires. What? Really? Fine. The rest of the house comes running and Phoebe cries on Sebastian, asking where her husband is. No sex for you tonight, Sebastian.

Anyway, all this adventure and such makes Prudence want to write. I mean, it's too bad she and Sebastian didn't get to have sex the night before, but they did earlier this day so it's okay. It's way past midnight now and Prudence is in the library writing. Hey, there's someone walking around out there. Sebastian would use the secret passage and Phoebe wouldn't be walking around at night. Secret passage? Oh yeah secret passage. You know it's there.

Anyway, it's Mr. Poo-Face himself! He and his buddies are gonna steal from Sebastian...but he's totally not a thief. Just in case you were curious. Anyway, he makes a comment about how Prudence is the uglier sister, but it doesn't matter in the dark. Prudence hefts a big ol' brass ornament and told him to step up off. Resistance? Well, we've seen that Mr. Poo-Face can't handle that. He basically says that no one wants her anyway. Then he says he'll go visit Phoebe instead. Just do that. Can there be something that results from this? Anyway, he locks her in the library. Clearly, no one will hear her yelling and he can get on with looting.

It seems Sebastian not having a boat and not leaving by water made the smugglers catch on that he go into the cave some other way. Maybe he should have given them a way that he got there. All he had to do was mention a boat and have one of the crew members look like he'd been swimming. Nah, that's too difficult.

Chapter Seventeen: Holy Coincidence, Batman!

Prudence is all sad and stuff that Phoebe disappeared. Sebastian is not okay with this! Also, she sort of accepted his almost-proposal in front of Hugh, but she didn't say anything else about it. This makes Sebastian fret. Fretting is for little boys! ...or, ya know, someone who's just spoken their heart to someone and is waiting for a reaction. Possibly to take his mind off himself, Sebastian decides to comfort Prudence.

Damn it, woman! It's not your fault! Phoebe was kind of a bitch. You can't control her! Also, I know how you're feeling 'cause of all that crap that happened with James.

Prudence responds with something along the lines of: Oh yeah, you're totes right. Let's go take a bath now! I assume she gives him a sexy wink too, although the book doesn't explicitly say that.

Anyway, awhile later Prudence and Sebastian, that team of super-sleuths, is on the case! They find their way to Mr. Poo-Face's uncle's house. The uncle really doesn't like his nephew and lets it slip that Mr. Poo-Face is a smuggler. The uncle reluctantly tells the duo about the Bloody Mary, a seedy tavern down along the warf. Mr. Poo-Face hangs out there a lot. So off they go!

Prudence and Sebastian learn that Phoebe and “her guy” were at the Bloody Mary, there was a fight, then Phoebe and “her guy” left to go to the Chapel Inn, which is really ritzy, apparently. Oh, also, Sebastian sucks at diplomacy, but he's good at paying people to tell him what he needs to know. You know, just in case we forgot that he's arrogant and stuff. So, Sebastian has a ways to go before he can compete with a certain super-sleuth. Just sayin'

At the Chapel Inn:

Sebastian's title talks here. The owner doesn't seem to keep any weapons on him. Lame. Anyway, he tells them that Mr. Poo-Face isn't there, and there's another couple there. He even tells them the room. Then, for some reason, the owner is surprised when they go charging off to the room and Sebastian breaks down the door. Not that the owner's there for the door-breaking.

Once Sebastian breaks down the door, Prudence hears a familiar scream. Oh, hey Phoebe. What's going on, girl? Oh, we caught you in bed with some guy? Sorry about that. Wait. That guy...

James! Sebastian! Phoebe! Prudence! Repeat ad nauseum What were you two doing in bed? We were doing that obvious thing, but we're totes married! What are you two doing? (The book has no answer to this question.)

They tell the owner that it's all cool, and Sebastian will pay for the door. Then they settle in the parlor for story time.

By the way, everyone is changed and different and awesome now. Hooray for dynamic characters! All right, now it's story time. James ran out of the house after the argument. He slipped on the rocks and fell into the sea. The smugglers found him and thought about killing him, but they thought it'd be a bad idea to kill the Devil Earl's brother. So they sold him into slavery instead. He worked really hard, like really hard you guys, on a ship of pirates! He doesn't give any detail about this. So, yeah, when they made it to the West Indies, the new guy who had been sold to them managed to start a mutiny and maroon the captain and the pirates who were just not nice. Then they came back to England. He's done sailing, but maybe it's time for a shipping venture. What do you think, Sebastian?

Sebastian ponders this for a moment. He says something like: Well, you seem to have done well for yourself and actually become mature. Yeah, we're cool. We've gotta deal with those kidnappers, though.

James has been hunting info on them, but they're kinda mean and would not deal well with snitches. It's entirely possible that people who narked on the smugglers would need to receive some sort of thread to hold their wound together. Anyway, the brothers are all about dealing with these law breakers. Phoebe objects, so they all look to Prudence. Really? All right then. Of course she's cool with it. It's adventure, also she straight up tells them it'll be good for her next story. How selfish. Then the chapter ends.

Am I the only one wondering how James managed to incite a mutiny? In fact, can we get a book about him instead? His story sounds much more bad ass than “Oh, does she like me? We have sex lots and she gave me her v-card, but I'm just not sure!”

By the way, I'm really excited for this upcoming fight.

Chapter Sixteen: What's That Thing? Oh Yeah. Plot

They searched the cavern for any other sign of James, but Prudence and Sebastian just found the ring. So they wander back upstairs. Hi, Mr. Worth. Oh, you don't know Sebastian either? Huh. Anyway, Mrs. Worth requests Prudence's presence in the state drawing room. Is that a room where states go to unleash their artistic creativity? Anyway, Prudence admits that she can't find her way there, so Sebastian escorts her there.

Sebastian complains about how Prudence kept him from eating today. Prudence is mid-complaint about all the sex they had when she sees Hugh.

Aw snap.

Phoebe, sick of not being the center of attention, ran away. Poor girl. I have no sympathy for her. Hugh didn't really notice when Phoebe left, nor did he look too hard for her, but he went to Prudence's house to let her know. Now he finds her here with this...this Ravenclaw? More on that later in the conversation. Anyway, Phoebe left a note, so clearly she wasn't kidnapped. Remember Mr. Darlington? She's going to marry him. ...if by “marry”, I mean be ravaged by. Hugh blathers on about this for a bit before he realizes the situation Prudence is in and possibly remembers her comment when she entered the room.

Damn it, Prudence. I want to marry you! That's pretty much what Hugh tells her. He's okay with taking...soiled goods. Egads, Hugh. Get over yourself. Prudence lets him down gently with some nonsense about life being what you make it and how she wants her life to have adventure in it. So, since he didn't get his way, Hugh disowns her and Phoebe.

Sebastian takes offense at this. Hugh asks if Sebastian is standing up for his mistress. Sebastian corrects him. That's 'future wife', not ho!

Wow. What drama. What will Prudence say? Is she okay with Sebastian declaring this without asking her? What will Hugh do? Meh. Let's check on Phoebe instead.

So, Mr. Darlington is a poo-face and Phoebe is poor and stranded and she's not sure where they are. Mr. Darlington and Prudence are both misnomers. He's not darling at all! You know, Mr. Darlington is almost as ridiculous as Ravenscar. I'm going call him Mr. Poo-Face instead.

All Phoebe knows is they're in some seedy bar. They've been riding in a carriage for two days, apparently. Phoebe managed to get Mr. Poo-Face to sleep in a different room the night before, but she's not sure that'll work again. How did she manage this? Sheer bloody-mindedness it looks like. There were some soldiers lounging near the site of their argument and this somehow kept Mr. Poo-Face from sneaking into Phoebe's room that night.

Anyway, some manly/godly guy just walked into the bar. His hair is sun-bleached, his shirt is open, and his pants are almost too tight to be decent. His face is pretty hot too, apparently. Phoebe drools over him a little. All right, a lot. Then she looks at Mr. Poo-Face and his fop-ishness seems silly now. Prudence is contagious!

Mr. Poo-Face has been drinking and he's sick of putting up with Phoebe. This time they're not getting separate rooms. He says something about how no one in this bar will help her. She's just got to go with it. Hey, wasn't that blonde guy familiar? By the way, Mr. Poo-Face's estate and promise of marriage were both shams. Phoebe screams out no to Mr. Poo-Face. He doesn't care. Then, someone picks up Mr. Poo-Face by his collar and punches him in the face. Yes! Thank you! Can someone do that to just about everyone in this book?

By the way, it was the blonde super-sexy guy who took care of Mr. Poo-Face. Super-sexy guy loots the body. Phoebe is a little uncomfortable with the theft happening in front of her, but she doesn't do anything about it. Super-sexy guy offers her the money he stole. Phoebe reluctantly takes it. Man, you know, it's like she's seen this guy before somewhere. This guy must be feeling it too, 'cause he takes a step closer and looks deep into her eyes...

James! Hey, man, how've you been? Too dramatic to write and tell your brother you're still alive? Oh yeah, that happens to all of us. By the way, Phoebe thought you were a pirate. Are you? That would kind of make this story better. Oh yeah, actual story. James picks up Phoebe and gives her a fierce, possessive kiss. Geeze, dude. She might have moved on in the seven or so months you've been playing corpse. Just sayin'. Oh, sorry, the last line is her saying his name. We might not have known otherwise, ya know? Especially since super-sexy guy knew her name.

So, remember when Prudence had that long shot that James was a pirate? Yeah. She was totally right. I'm leaning even more towards the “Mary Sue” end of the dial now. Also, Ravenclaw's bitter guilt is all for nothing since he didn't kill his brother.

Chapter Fifteen: Scooby Doobie Doo, Where Are You?

Oh, they really do talk about Frankenstein. To be fair, they're eating breakfast at the time and Mrs. Worth is in the room, so I suppose they can't pretend like it's mating season. For now. After breakfast, Prudence announces that they're going to search the library for clues about Penhurts's (James') disappearance. I guess since Prudence and Sebastian have become close, she can use his brother's first name. Anyway, when Prudence announces that, Mrs. Worth drops a plate. Prudence defends the honor of her lover, and the two are off to explore the library. ...and each other.

All right. I think there's something in the water at Wolfinger Abbey because these two will not stop messing around. Either that, or they're teenagers somehow. Anyway, they go to the library and Prudence starts looking over absolutely everything. I'm sure they haven't been in here to clean in the five...seven months that James has been missing. Sebastian contemplates Prudence and how she transformed him. Also, “She deserved better, but Sebastian had ceased to worry about such details.” Honestly, good. Let her worry about whether or not she deserves better. She's a big girl, although she doesn't always act like it.

Sebastian starts planning how they'll live in Wolfinger Abbey, since she thrives there and London isn't good to her. Then he pictures Prudence writing at the desk in the library, with ink stains of course, and he gets aroused. Holy crap, dude. Calm down. Nope. No time for that. Sebastian kisses her. “She protested at first...” Then stop? Nope.

Eventually, she gives in to their boiling passion, hotter than any star as just as enormous. Sebastian thinks about how he wants to take her on the desk, but they left the door open (they really need to stop doing that), so he'll do something else instead. See, if he puts his head under her skirts, no one will know he's there. You know where this is going. She tells him that she doesn't want to do this here, but he goes ahead anyway. I'm getting less impressed with him as the chapter continues. Not that I liked him all that much to begin with, but still.

When they're done, she's flopped back on the desk like a dead woman. Prudence, you really need to stop doing that. What if he sexes you to death? He wouldn't know! After Prudence recovers, she tells Sebastian that turnabout is fair play. He freaks out a bit with happiness. He picks her up and carries her through a secret passage to his bedroom. Oh yeah, the library was fine for her, but he needs a room with more privacy. Whatever.

So, in the afterglow, Sebastian contemplates how their relationship is soooo much more than sex, you guys. It's totally, like, on a deeper level. It's like their souls unite. Uh-huh. Then Prudence asks if there are any maps of the abbey. She's not done playing detective. Prudence is focusing on maps and secret passageways. Sebastian is thinking about something that's “ridiculous, impossible...within reach.” Now I don't mean to spoil this (yes I do), but I'm pretty sure he's thinking about proposing to her. Just a thought.

So, although neither of them wants to find James' rotting corpse in the abbey, Prudence persuades Sebastian to search it thoroughly with her. They look at the secret passageways and then move to the cellar. There's another cellar within the first one, for use of hiding “free-traded goods”. A bit later, Mrs. Simmons lets us know “free-traded” means smuggled.

So, in this second cellar, the door to which Sebastian has propped open, they find another secret passage. Sebastian didn't know about this one. It could have boobie traps that the Devil Earl left. Wait Prudence! She's fine, this was just to show that Sebastian actually does care about her. They follow the path to a cave with freshly smuggled goods in it. Prudence pokes around and Sebastian wades into the water to learn that it's the perfect depth for a small boat. Prudence gets worried about him walking into the water. Aw. They do care about each other.

They talk a bit, and then they want to have sex again. Really you guys? Prudence has pointed out that it's unlikely the smugglers will be here during the full moon, but there's a time and place. Sebastian uses his common sense and says they should be getting back. Prudence decides this means she should explore some more. Then she finds James' ring.

Dun dun duuun!

Chapter Fourteen: Wolfinger Abbey Part Two: Electric Boogaloo

Sebastian sees Prudence leaning back in the chair, her eyes closed, and worries that he hurt her. He wants her now, but he doesn't feel worthy to touch her. Also, he's “afraid to see her reaction, but too cowardly to hide from it.” What? Too cowardly to hide? That does not make sense to me. Whatever. Turns out that Prudence totally dug that and she's fine with sleeping next to him. Prudence, there's more. More?!

Then he, finally, peels her like an orange. He asks with his eyes if he can take off her shift. She agrees with her eyes. Then they have a complex discussion about the meaning of life and the reasons for war...with their eyes. Anyway, after Sebastian takes off her shift, he can't breathe for a moment. She's...too...pretty!

So they start making out and Prudence grabs his chest hair. He moves her hand down to his crotch and she's confused about what this strange hardness is. Oh wow. I know they didn't have health class back in the day, but you'd figure she'd learn about this somehow. He does a great job of explaining too. “It is for you, all for you, Prudence.” Thanks, Ravenclaw. That really explains everything. Then comes my favorite sentence in the entire book:

“With my body I...will worship you.”

Excuse me for a moment. I have to laugh uncontrollably. Again. I did the first time I read that, too. All right. I think it's the ellipses that really makes that sentence great/terrible. Greatly terrible? Greaterrible? Anyway, Ravenclaw takes off his pants (finally! She's been naked for how long now?) and they both get in the bed. All right, I can understand that Mrs. Simmons would write about Ravenclaw sucking on her boob. It's a romance novel, I get it. Could she use a word other than “suckle”? Please? It's just a little creepy with the connotations of breastfeeding.

Oh, also. There is fingering in Wolfinger. I feel like this metaphor has been well used now. I've kind of been waiting for this the entire book. Just sayin'. Anyway, popping Prudence's cherry didn't really hurt her and life is just swell.

Prudence wakes up the next day and remembers what they've done. She gets up to pee, but feels a bit self-conscious about being naked. Then she realizes that she should feel awful about what they've done. Have I mentioned that she's a rebel? 'Cause she totally doesn't care. She's had sex and she feels great, damn it! She looks at Sebastian and decides that he's “utterly wonderful” and made of gumdrops and unicorn's breath. Then she realizes he's looking at her too. So she leans over and kisses him.

Sebastian climbs out of the tower on a rope made of sheets. Mrs. Worth climbs the stairs to let Prudence out and take her to a bath. Also, Sebastian will take care of the sheet-rope. Hooray, no one else can see the stains Prudence left! Also, it's totes possible that Sebastian won't want her anymore. Sadness

Prudence takes her bath and then hears a door open. It's Sebastian. He asks if he can join her in her bath. She says yes. They briefly mention Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, but then it's time to have sex again. Oh, sorry. I almost forgot. They both brought each other to life! Isn't it sweet and romantic and made of awesome?

Never mind that Frankenstein was cobbled together out of bits of dead people and was looked upon as a monster by everyone who could see him, so not a very good metaphor for their life-renewing love. Also, never mind the pony. I give up.